Stages of Development During the Coming-Out Process
Stages of Development During the Coming-Out Process
Adapted from: Gary Mallon, Lesbian and Gay Youth Issues, CWLA Press Used with permission
These stages describe a baseline of development of gay and lesbian sexual identity and an understanding of stages that GLBTQ youth may encounter during their development. Many life experiences influence the movement among the stages.
Stage 1: Could I be homosexual?
Confused about self-image, youth may seek more information on homosexuality. Some theorists believe this is normal development for all youth. Negative reinforcements from society about homosexuality create more confusion about self-image, and youth often see no similarity between themselves and the public images and perceptions of GLBTQ persons.
Youth need accurate information at this stage. This is a normal part of development.
Stage 2: I might be gay/lesbian
When youth accept this possibility, they may experience alienation, isolation, and loneliness. Heterosexual behavior learned previously has little or no significance. Youth cling to heterosexual behavior to maintain a public image and because they do not have access to alternative role models for sexual identity.
Youth feel isolated and lonely, and this can lead to risky behavior. They need resources such as GLBTQ books, websites, chat lines etc.
Stage 3: I am probably gay/lesbian
During this stage, alienation most likely is peaking. Youth are driven to seek out other GLBTQ persons in the broader culture. Their highest priority is finding a role model: someone by whom to gauge themselves. At this stage, a positive role model may lead to a positive self-image, whereas a negative role model or no role model may lead to further alienation.
At this stage, alienation peaks. Youth need role models, support and educational groups.
Stage 4: I know I am gay/lesbian
When youth achieve self-acceptance of their homosexual identity, sexual experimentation may follow. In general, youth are more concerned about whether they fit into their subculture than how they fit into American culture as a whole. This concern for peer approval can be difficult for any youth. If there is no obvious place for them in the GLBTQ subculture, most youth will temporarily end sexual identity formation and enter biphasal development, living a public heterosexual life while privately engaging in or fantasizing about gay or lesbian activity.
Youth need to understand that it is okay to come out, or not to come out. They should be assisted in taking pride in their identity.
Stage 5: I am lesbian or gay. So what?
In this case, the person sees no clear dichotomy between heterosexual and homosexual worlds. The person is able to integrate homosexual identity into all aspects of life. This stage indicates a high level of maturity and a wide range of life experiences. Most youth have not yet achieved this state. It is helpful to keep in mind that this stage is a goal to be achieved.